This story is my attempt to bring understanding to this painful, desperate and all too common experience in the life of a bulimic woman. It could be triggering. But I wrote this because articulating the extent of a bulimic episode in detail can help a woman know she can be understood and accepted. If she can feel known in her darkest hours she may experience a new sense of hope and reach for her recover.
Aftermath of Sexual Encounter
Day 8 early morning He or they get dressed and leave. He or they may or may not say good-bye. Or you get up, get dressed and leave. You might feel sad that he or they don’t ask for your phone number. Or, if he or they ask for your phone number, you feel a crawly feeling and don’t want to give it. Or, you fight against that crawly feeling hoping that your feelings are wrong and that he or they really do care about you and will give you another opportunity to find the holding love and care you desperately seek. Maybe you got hurt, and are embarrassed that you are in pain. Maybe you are shocked if someone offers you money. Maybe you are shocked because you want them to.
Day 8 continued You get in the car. On your drive you stop at a bakery. You carefully select, one by one, a dozen doughnuts of different flavors. You calculate how many you will need to see you through your drive home. In the car, you place the box of doughnuts on the passenger seat beside you. You continue your drive and eat every doughnut as you go home. You are in a state where you feel you are on automatic. There's just the white line on the road to follow and the doughnuts to be your soothing friend. There's nothing else.
See Conculsion in Part 5