I am so exhausted all the time. I have a B12 deficiency that was brought on by years of malnutrition, so if I don't get my monthly injection, i drag soooo hard. But I don't sleep well either. I probably get about 6 hours of sleep a night, not counting all the times I wake up...I fall asleep on the couch, with the tv on, with my 5 year old on top of me...i hit the snooze atleast 3 times in the am, drink a lot of coffee, and when i have a day off and my kids are at school...I will choose to sleep all day instead of being more productive.
i feel like i have to stay up late to have quiet time to myself. My day is so hectic...i feel i need the down time. I force myself to stay awake. I sleep with the tv on because my therapist and I discovered recently that the tv being on was an indicator that my grandfather was still up and in the living room...once the tv went off, things weren't safe for me...i have slept with the tv on for my whole life...
i agree that soothing foods can help take unbearable thoughts away for a little while...i have been binging for months now...I have "woken up" to realize the horror of what has happened to my body. I started restricting again days ago. I think it has made me more tired. I do agree, that sleeping is one way of keeping yourself from eating...if you can get to sleep when you are so hungry..that is hard..
I have enought insight to know that I am having a difficult time in therapy right now because we are really, really working on my abuse stuff. The whole subject makes me feel crazy and out of control. Restricting helps me reign some of that out of control feeling back in...(i know, it really doesn't). I don't think I am completely regressing and sliding horribly back into my ED, I think it is to be expected. So I keep coming here. I keep reading the stories. It helps me know I am not alone. I truly want to be "normal", but my life isn't normal right now. So I am doing the best I can. Thanks for listening.
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