Heavy heart and eyes
- Category: Unsorted Comments
I was driving in my car, about 40 miles from Newtown, when I heard the news on the radio. At first it was 1 child and 1 adult killed, 30 minutes later, by the time I got to my house, it was 26 dead. I was so sad when it was just 2 people, then when I turned on the TV and saw it was way more than that, I was devasted. I've been watching the coverage whenever I'm home. My eyes feel like saturated clouds, waiting to just pour rain. My eyes have filled up several times today and yesterday, random times, like while I was at the gym, or when I walked into Walmart and saw Santa spreading Christmas cheer. I know it's his job, but I kept thinking, "how can people be happy right now?" I'm just so sad. I don't know if this is affecting me moreso than it should or if this is normal. I don't know why it's so sad for me, besides the obvious tragedy that occured. Is it because I was born and raised in CT and lived there for 30 years before moving to NYC? Is it because my town is a small town, just like Newtown, so I can related and imagine it? I don't know. All I know is that I'm deeply saddened and I feel so horrible for these families. I don't know how this is going to effect my eating, and I kind of don't care. I don't care if I end up not eating. I feel like thinking about my ED is the last thing I need to do right now, and the last thing I want to do. I just am putting it on the back burner, which might mean eating less than I should.