Interesting topic Joanna! I have been
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Interesting topic Joanna! I have been struggling a lot recently with a new awareness that I am a bit directionless in life and not as independent as I would like to be, and I just can't fathom out a way of getting to where I want to be. I am ashamed of where I am now, and with that shame comes the natural urge to revert back to ED habits. I mentioned it in therapy a few weeks ago, and my therapist suggested that maybe I eased off worrying so much about my lack of direction, and just slowed down to appreciate that I am enjoying aspects of my life that are new or revisited after a long absence, and to savour those things that bring me pleasure...but the inadequacy and need to try to find a way to resolve things still niggles away at me, still keeps me bordering on ED habits, which in turn brings more shame and feelings of inadequacy. But today I became aware of something new, a new way of looking at my situation... that maybe the reason I feel like I don't really know who I am, and can't seem to find a direction to head in, is because I was never allowed to develop that self, the one who knows who she is and what she like sand dislikes, and what inspires her, and what she enjoys and so on...my childhood was so controlled, and as an adult I have kind of sought out controlling relationships to give me direction..and now I am finally allowed to find out for myself who I am, nothing is off limits, it's all mine to explore, and experiemnt with.. ..and I get it now, maybe that is what my therapist meant by just apprecating the things that I am finding myself enjoying doing, and worrying less about long term plans and direction.