You've accomplished so much! Congratulations. Your sorrow over the table means that you have cleared away so many old obstacles and causes of anxiety that you are now free to explore what you perhaps have denied or neglected or considered minor compared to the big work you had in front of you.
Your table is a transitional object. You've laden it with memories, feelings, associations and given it power. I remember a woman saying, after she looked at her garage filled with old emotionally laden furniture, "Why can't my transitional objects be jewelry or hats or special spoons? Why do they have to be huge pieces of furniture?"
Once she asked the question she began the process of keeping her memories but separating them from the objects. The process was another level of creating freedom for herself and establishing greater strength within. Gradually she didn't need the giant couch and ottomon from earlier days to carry her emotions. She could carry them herself and then, benefit from the freedom of new space and new possibilities.
So a major transitional object for you is the dining table. How can you free yourself yet keep the meaning? Can you take a photograph of it or draw or paint it or all of these things and make an art collage? Or perhaps you can breakdown the actual table and make some of it a piece of art to hang on the wall. Or you can give it, donate it, sell it so it goes to a new and worthy home as you create your own home anew.
You might create a gratitude ceremony and write your memories and appreciations. Keep the writing in a lovely way as you say good-bye to the past.
There's an old Buddhist saying. Use the raft to get to the shore. Once you get to the shore, prepare to walk through the forest. Leave the raft.
Even if that raft saved your life, you say thank you and leave it as you face the new challenges presented by the forest.
You are doing great, Shh. I'm glad you wrote.
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