This is really wonderful Joanna! I've read your recovery story before, but it was great to hear it in your own voice!!!
I was really struck by the "stuck" and "growth" topics. I don't think I've been stuck for awhile, I finished my formal recovery treatment in April and I think I have been taking some time to relax and to simply enjoy my new life.
These past few months I have found myself stepping up at work and doing some very amazing things that I think I shocked myself, my boss and my staff. The most amazing part was dealing with the pressure and actually believing that I can do it without falling apart. My old pattern would have been to talk myself our of even trying but my new voices kept telling me that I was capable and that falling apart isn't given for me anymore. Not going to say I didn't have my moments or doubts or moments of tears, but my self talk was pretty amazing and it really did boost my self-esteem to have been so successful!
But recently I find that I need to do more work on relationships. At the same time I'm finding myself over eating (It's been awhile since that behaviors showed up!).
When I heard you talk about EDs saving our life by being there when life/feelings are too hard, it hit me that yes, it really is time to grow in the relationship department before I find myself in full ED relapse. Just knowing why this ED behaviors has shown up is actually comforting to me. It's easier and healthier for me accept that it's just trying to help me deal with fear of relationship work than to think that my recovery is weak.
Anyway, thanks for sharing this with us!
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