About a year ago I started having body memories related to the sexual abuse from my grandfather. I can be doing nothing and suddenly received very strong body sensations where I re-experience the actual abuse. I've had sex as an adult, but the pain I feel is at an excruciating level one would feel as a small child being taken over by a much larger and powerful man. I also get jaw pain and nausea from body memories experienced in other parts of my body from this abuse.
These body memories came after my realization that I had endured many years of abuse at the hands of my grandfather. They are very hard to deal with, but my therapist and I are working hard to get them to dissipate. We imagine shooting him or yelling "no!". Running from the memories is not helpful.
I have been terrified and turning to self harm methods to ease the terror of the body sensations. We are working through this too. I have been more present and less dissociative in my sessions as I keep talking and go weakly.
I also keep an email journal which I enter notes whenever I need to talk something out, share a dream, or vent. In between sessions she will sometimes give me input or help me with a different way to handle a bad moment. I'm lucky to have her.
So yes, I'm very, very familiar with this!
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