Thank you so much for the kind things you wrote about me. I'm shocked and touched that anyone would look up to me as I am just has human, vulnerable and have frequent struggles just as anyone else does, but I'm flattered that you feel that.
When I see your more recent posts, it really stands out to me how far you've come and how much you've changed, even though you might not be able to see it yourself - you seem so much more self-aware, and so strong and brave, and I find that a real joy to see, even though you're having a tough time at the moment. You don't know how proud I am of you for being able to say "it's time I got some help" and follow through on that to start asking for and arranging the help you need.
It must be really hard and scary leaving your therapist after 20 years, I'd only been with mine for 2.5 years and it was a different scenario, albeit with the same outcome, of knowing you have to get your head around never seeing that person again. It's just over 2 years since I parted with mine and yeah I miss her sometimes, especially when the going's tough, but she still lives on inside me, as an internal guiding voice, and I am still growing and changing as a result of my time with her and the things she showed me. I can honestly say that I'm more congruent now than I've ever been, and that since I finished therapy with her my levels of self-belief have continued to increase, and I experience less feelings of guilt and shame than I've ever done. Your therapist has helped to plant seeds in your mind that will continue to grow long after you stop seeing her.
I really hope you get your treatment sorted out this week without too much hassle with your insurance company. I know you'll have limited contact, but please keep us posted as much as you can on your progress.
I'll be thinking of you and mentally spurring you on!